An Introvert Expounds
Written by Georgia Thursday, 20 August 2009 19:00
I’ve been out for roughly twenty years now. I’ve been way out (which, by my own definition, means not closeted to anybody in any way, shape, or form) for about half that. So, for the past ten years or so, I’ve been out and proud, and I’ve also been very lucky. I can’t recall one single incident in my lift that involved any sort of homophobia or discrimination against me because of my sexuality. Not one.
Until last week.
Granted, this incident didn’t directly affect me or my life (other than to royally piss me off), but I was so flabbergasted at the time, I could do nothing more than sit and fume.
By the way, I toyed with changing names to protect the “innocent,” but since there are no innocent parties here, I’m going to tell it like it happened. The following is 100% true to my recollection.
I am the office admin for a small company. In our division, there are four salespeople and me. Each of them has an office, and I have an area in the center of those offices. Because of this set-up, I can pretty much hear everything that goes on in any office with an open door. I’m not eavesdropping; it’s just a small space.
So one of the salespeople, Peter, has a supplier in one morning last week: Jill, repping a bag line and wanting to sell to him. She seems nice enough, and I show her into Peter’s office and leave them to their business. About ten minutes later, Peter’s friend and client, Bob, comes in. Bob is a New York State Trooper, very handsome, and always very nice to me. He visits a little, we make small talk, and he goes into Peter’s office. I return to my work.
A few minutes pass, and I hear Bob and Jill chatting animatedly. I suspect there’s an element of flirtatiousness there, and why wouldn’t there be? I’m amused. Somehow, the subject of kids comes up, and they’re talking about all the influences kids have to deal with these days—TV, music, internet—and how scary it is to be a parent. Bob then tells the story of his daughter asking to go to a sleepover at her friend’s from school. (FYI: I have since discovered that Bob’s daughter is thirteen years old, which makes this story even worse.) He assumed his wife knew the parents, she assumed he did, and they both said yes. Then he found out the kid has two moms.
(Full Disclosure: NOW I’m actively listening, not that any voices have been lowered.)
He calls one mom, tells her he’s just become aware of her “situation,” and—this was my favorite part—he’s not judging, but he and his wife are just not ready to answer the questions their daughter will come home with. Their THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD daughter. (Seriously…does he think she won’t be having sex three years from now?) So, his daughter could not go to her friend’s because her friend has same-sex parents.
By the way, Peter has tried to change the subject back to bags two or three times by this point, because he knows I can hear them.
But wait…it gets better.
Jill decides to pipe in and tell how she lives outside New York City in some New Jersey town with the highest percentage per capita of same-sex couples (a statistic I strongly suspect she’s pulled out of her ass). She goes on to say that she thinks kids of same-sex couples are just “missing out” on things, what with them having no male or no female influences as they grow up, not that she’s judging. (Apparently, Jill has never heard of grandparents, aunts, uncles, or friends.) She also says she doesn’t want her kids thinking that lifestyle is a “normal part of life.”
That last remark is what made my hands start to shake in indignation. I literally gripped my chair to keep from going in there and giving them a piece of my mind. They come into an office and have a full-volume conversation like this without having the slightest idea who can hear? Seriously? But I am a professional, and I kept my cool. Erin, another salesperson and dear friend, hauled my ass outside and helped me calm down. Sadly, both Bob and Jill escaped without sporting the new assholes I wanted to rip them.
I’m ashamed to say this incident has stayed with me for over a week.
I did send an e-mail to Jill the next day, because I thought she needed to understand the gravity of what she’d done. She came to our office to get business, and spouting off her anti-gay opinions was not a smart business move. Frankly, she’s lucky I’m not vindictive because it wouldn’t be difficult for me to contact her superiors and tell them exactly what she said and exactly how I (and my friends at my company) felt about it. I don’t think they’d be happy with her risking sales like that. If you guys want me to post the e-mail, I will. Just leave a comment, and I’ll be happy to put it up…along with her response. I guess the reason I chose to blog about this is because it had such a shocking effect on me. I’m stunned that two fairly young adults (one of whom I assume would have had some diversity training before getting his job) would not only be so close-minded, but wouldn’t stop to think before opening their mouths in an office setting where they don’t know everybody. So incredibly unprofessional. And I’m so incredibly disappointed…
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|03-08-2010 08:28:07 Barb Horngren - Introverted, perhaps; shrinking violet, not so mucI, too, would be interested in knowing what you said to Jill via email -- and what she replied.
I'd bet she didn't learn a life lesson, but maybe the business-professional lesson will stick. Can't tell how long ago your Introvert Expounds blog was posted...has she been back and acting with more decorum at your place of employment since the incident?
Barb
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|10-14-2009 21:25:10 Jackson - Hard not to be affectedGeorgia,
I know exactly what you are feeling. Last July, my partner and I were on vacation in the North Georgia mountains. We had been enjoying a lookout point at a state park, but as we drove out of the park a pickup truck tailgated us all the way down the mountain. When we got to the bottom, the guy whipped around us and yelled out "Stop your lesbian ways before you go to hell!" We were stunned. Neither of us were wearing men's clothes, we had not held hands, hugged or kissed in public and there were no rainbow stickers on my car. We were just two 50-something women being tourists. We tried not to let it ruin a nearly perfect day, but it's hard not to be pissed.
jackson
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|10-05-2009 10:44:08 Karen Wolfer - Some people.Thank you Georgia, for posting this situation. It is sad to see that we are still the group it is OK to say disparaging things about openly. It is as if they thought all of society agrees with their narrow view and they were 'bonding' by sharing this in their discussion.
Thank you also, for being brave enough to stand up for yourself, and all of us, and 'educating' Jill on her unprofessional conduct. Would love to know of her reaction.
Good on you!
Karen
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|09-11-2009 18:59:40 Mercedes - HmmmGood stuff, Georgia. How did this turn out? What did Jill have to say?
You know the old saying.....watch what you say around writers, it might end up in a book. These are wonderful, very aggrevating, very UNlikable characters, lol....to bad they actually exist in the real world!.
Mercedes
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WOW - I'm not sure I'd be able to keep calm. It does shock me to see younger folks be so closed minded. I've been pretty lucky myself and haven't really had any bad experiences. I'm not a fan of the word "normal" anyways. In my opinion that is a word that really doesn't make sense in the world we live in today. We'll that's my .02.