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Be Gentle

Written by Georgia Wednesday, 28 July 2010 13:29

Be gentle.

With yourself. With others.

Be gentle.

This is my new motto and I'm trying to remember it, to remind myself when it's necessary, to make it a way of life, to speak it into the mirror. I've been doing a lot self-exploration lately, a lot of soul-searching, looking for enlightenment and understanding, trying to figure some things out about myself. During all this examination, I realized something: I spend a ridiculous amount of energy on the things I don't like about myself, particularly the physical.

Riddle me this, Batman: why is it so easy to tear ourselves down but not to pat ourselves on the back? Why can I very easily berate myself because I feel like my belly's getting big, but have trouble reminding myself that I wear the same size pants I did in high school? How come the scale in my bathroom can make me cry, but I can't be proud of myself for loving every vegetable known to man? Why can't we, as American women, cut ourselves some slack, especially as we age? I'm not getting fat, I'm just over forty. That's the truth of it. Women's bodies change -- weight redistributes, water gets retained, things head a little further south than they used to. It's fact, it's normal, and it's better than the alternative (i.e. being six feet under). But it makes us nuts. It makes us want to scream and smash the mirror and crawl under the covers (with some Ben & Jerry's), never to come out again. Why are we so hard on ourselves?

I could make a list, very quickly, of the things I hate about my body. Seriously, give me sixty seconds and I'll have ten things for you just like that and I won't be done when time runs out (porky hips, uncontrollable hair, too-big boobs, tiny eyes, stupid feet, wide ass....etc.). But ask me what my best bodily attributes are and I'll struggle. In sixty seconds? Maybe three. Possibly four (Hmm...I have a pretty nice nose...). Well, I've decided that I'm done. I'm tired of never being satisfied because I hold myself to standards that I can't possibly reach. It's a damn good thing I don't live in Hollywood, where everybody is trying their damndest to be beautiful. I'd never measure up and I'd want to kill myself, for sure.

So, dear readers, I'm sharing this tidbit of advice with you (and I don't know how well I'll do with it, because it's easy to say and hard to put into practice, but I'm trying): Cut yourself some slack. Be gentle. I found this blurb on Sara Bareilles's website a few days ago and it made me smile because it was so apropos to the way I'd been feeling. I've snipped it out of the middle of her journal entry, but I think you'll catch her drift:

"I don't want to settle for less.
And i wish that for every single one of you. That when you look at your life you gravitate towards what feeds your soul and the people that make you feel inspired and content and beautiful (on the inside, silly). That you give yourself permission to be flawed and imperfect and "lesser than". Know that we all are. I promise. We just don't like to admit it.
So that's my rant for today.
As I cross the miles to get to our destination, I want to send you all little boxes of light that make you feel courageous and perfect. Just in being who you are. So there."

Don't you love Sara? She's very wise for a woman under thirty-five (her lyrics attest to that). I particularly like "give yourself permission to be flawed and imperfect" because all of us are. So that's my goal for the moment. I'm relaxing. I'm cutting myself some slack. I'm looking for the positive instead of the negative. I'm going to stop putting myself down, but rather talk myself up (to myself), see what that does to my personal energy. I'm being gentle.

Stay tuned...

 

The Lisa Trifecta

Written by Georgia Tuesday, 20 July 2010 11:38

The Lisa Trifecta is the name I’ve affectionately given to three of my very favorite  writers working today: Lisa Gardner, Lisa Scottoline, and Lisa Unger. Each writes suspense and each has her own unique style that keeps me coming back book after book, anxious for the next ride she's got in store for me.

Scottoline’s probably been at it the longest and she does something a little different (though I’ve found more authors trying the same thing lately): she writes about a women-run law firm with five or six regular characters and then she puts one character front and center for each book. Mary DiNunzio might be the main character for one book while her boss, Bennie Rosato, plays a secondary one, but in the next book, it’s Bennie’s show and Mary fades into the background. It’s a cool trick that makes her stand out to me. Another thing I love about Scottoline is that she’s very, very Italian, so she writes what she knows—the majority of her books take place in Philly, her hometown, and feature an Italian-American protagonist. I get many glimpses of my family while I’m reading about that of her characters. Her latest in paperback, called Look Again, features all new characters (unItalian ones) and it was incredible! An absolute roller coaster of a suspense ride that kept me turning pages late into the night. Not to mention that I’m totally, unabashedly jealous that she came up with such a simple idea before I could:  what would you do if the photo on the Have You Seen This Missing Child flyer was your son? Freaking brilliant.

Gardner’s been around for a while, too, and I’ve actually read every one of her books (she’s got thirteen suspense novels out). She writes suspense with just enough humor to make me chuckle when the tension is high. She taps into what it’s like to be human and I love that; it makes her characters seem like very real people (Gardner also often tosses a main character from one of her books into a minor role in another book, which is always fun…kind of like a quick visit from an old friend you haven’t seen in a while). Take a scoot over to her website if you find the time; she’s very witty and she’ll have you cracking up. Her Kill a Friend, Maim a Buddy contest alone is hilarious. Even though it's one of her earliest, I still feel that The Other Daughter is my favorite of hers, but I’m about 2/3 of the way through her latest, Live to Tell, and I utterly love it, so we’ll see how the rankings end up when I finish.

Unger is fairly new to my reading world. Her fifth book is about to be released in August and I’m waiting anxiously. I got a treat with her; I caught her at the beginning of her career only a few years ago. I found her first novel, Beautiful Lies, at the library when I was living in Durham. I ripped through it in no time, completely crushing on Ridley Jones, Unger’s main character. Her second novel, Sliver of Truth, is a sequel and a damn good one (more Ridley is never a bad thing). Like Gardner, Unger writes very honestly, with humor and humanity and I feel like I could bump into her characters as I’m walking down the street. Her third and fourth novels are standalones (and awesome), as is her fifth, called Fragile, and I’m waiting anxiously to add it to my hardcover collection. (She also responds to her e-mail, which always earns points from me.)

There are only a handful of authors on whom I’ll fork over $20 or more for the hardcover version of their work, but these three are definite. They’re all on my shelves, along with Ann Patchett, Sue Grafton, and Karin Slaughter. Check them out and let me know if you agree with my praise.

   

Heat Wave

Written by Georgia Thursday, 08 July 2010 10:49

It's all about the heat this week.

Holy cow. Now I know how people in the Everglades feel.

I don't like to sweat. Doesn't it figure that I'm a sweater? And not the good kind. Not a cozy, cableknit, LL Bean kind of sweater. A wet, sticky, gross kind of sweater. The step-out-of-the-shower-and-break-into-a-sweat kind of sweater. It's been in the mid- to high-90s here for the past three days and people are miserable. Well, I'm miserable. That's really all that matters. I feel like I've sweat off about ten pounds so far. Of course, we all know the cruel joke of nature is that I still weigh the same, no matter how much fluid I think I've lost through my pores. This humidity is one of the reasons I hated living in Florida, one of the few reasons I disliked North Carolina in the summer. I just don't do well with it. It saps my energy, makes me cranky and snippy, and don't get me started on what it does to my hair. I'm a Northeastern girl at heart. I'd rather it be 25 degrees and snowing than 95 degrees and blazing hot. I just can't take it.

The good news, though, is that my next novel, 96 Hours, is finally starting to move along and I'm totally psyched about that. I've been struggling for a while with it, feeling blocked but uncertain about why. Suddenly, my characters reappeared and they're pretty clear to me now. (Well, one of them is all over the map, but she's kind of like that, so I think it'll be okay...) I just need to get a little further along--another twenty pages should do it--and then I'll put up a synopsis. And I have some really fun news to share about it in the near future, so sit tight and check back.

If you live in the Northeast: stay hydrated!

If you live someplace where it's in the 70s: I hate you.

   

Where the Girls Aren't

Written by Georgia Tuesday, 22 June 2010 09:50

I’m a little bummed at a time when I should be happy. Happy because Toy Story 3 is now in theaters and I love the Toy Story franchise and I really want to see the third installment. Bummed because I recently did a quick scan of all ten of the Pixar movies (of which I’ve seen nine) and I discovered a disturbing pattern: all the leads are male.

Now, I have a degree in Mass Communications. I understand the film and television industry well enough to know that they’re about making money. They want to entertain, maybe even enlighten, yes, but ultimately, they’re about making money. I get that. And because I get that, I also get the fact that little girls will go see little boy movies, but little boys would rather not go see little girl movies. I don’t like it, but I realize it’s the truth. Of course, maybe that has something to do with every little girl movie having a princess as the lead. Not that there’s anything wrong with princesses and all things girly. I like dresses and pretty shoes and fun jewelry, too. But does every movie targeted toward girls have to follow this theme? How about a tomboy lead? Looking at my nieces and nephews and their friends, I’d have to say more of the girls fall into the tomboy category than the princess category.

I can accept the leads in Toy Story being male because Andy was a boy and a boy is most likely going to have toys like soldiers and spacemen and cowboys. If Andy had been Andrea – and knowing Hollywood – the leads would have ended up being Barbie or – god forbid – a Bratz doll (although I could argue that my nieces have an awesome collection of Legos and some very cool cars, but I digress). But why couldn’t Wall-E be a female robot who falls for a male robot? Why couldn’t The Incredibles focus on Mrs. Incredible (aka Elastigirl) and her issues with being bored by her normal life? Why wasn’t Nemo a female fish? Why couldn’t the little Cub Scout in Up be a Brownie instead? Was there a reason the rat in Ratatouille had to be male? Monsters, Inc. had two leads…why couldn’t one be female? And the lead in A Bug’s Life? A male ant. How come?

If I was raising a daughter today, I’d have a tough time with Pixar. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved every last one of the movies I listed above. Pixar does an amazing job. Most of them made me teary, touched me in ways that surprised me coming from characters that aren’t even human. But what’s a little girl to think? That unless she’s a princess waiting for a boy to show up and rescue her, she’s not valid? That she has no place in these wonderful stories because they’re only about boys? It depresses me. Bonnie says the solution is to write what I’m missing and I have a good starting idea: how about a movie with two leads that are a little boy and a little girl, friends who work together equally? Pixar hasn’t done that yet and maybe it’s about time.

 

   

GCLS 2010 Wrap-Up

Written by Georgia Wednesday, 09 June 2010 13:27

Whew! What a whirlwind. I still haven’t quite come all the way down. After six consecutive years, you’d think I’d be used to this. I’m going to need a few more days to recover. I was going to write a sort of generic recap of the GCLS Annual Writers Conference, but instead, let’s do a list. It’ll be more fun. And I won’t have to think as hard (my brain hurts!). The Top Ten Things I Loved About the 2010 GCLS Conference. In no particular order, because that takes too much effort. Ready?

10.  We had our own building! The Hilton must have learned its lesson last year: we are not going to tippy-toe around and pretend we’re not who we are. This conference is about our pride in our own literature—creating it, reading it, learning about it, rewarding it—and we're certainly not quiet about it, so they put us in our own building on the Hilton campus this year. No wide-eyed, horrified, religious right members gawking at us. Very cool (though the brief walk outside from the main hotel to our building wreaked havoc with my hair…damn Florida humidity).

9.  Thirty-five more attendees than last year! That’s quite an increase and only means good things for the organization. I was wondering about attendence, given this lovely economy of ours, but we had a nice crowd.

8.  The GCLS Board of Directors has its shit together! I have never been as impressed with this organization as I was after listening to the members meeting. And truth be told, I haven’t been a member for a long time. But hearing the current board talk about what they’ve done all year, the things they had to fix, the plans they have for the future, and the confidence with which they spoke of it all made me reach right into my wallet and not only sign myself back up, but donate some extra, too. For the first time, it really seemed worth it to me.

7.  Seeing all my old writing buds! For the most part, this is the only time of year I get to see a lot of my fellow writers in person.  There are the ones who’ve been to every conference with me: Karin Kallmaker, KG MacGregor, Lori Lake. There are also always new ones that I met for the first time: Dillon Watson, Amy Dawson Robertson, Z Egloff. It’s a joy to wander around and be surrounded by women who do what you do, who just get it. They’re the reason I can keep my energy level so high for four days running (and also the reason I crash in a big way when I get home, but that’s beside the point…).

6.  The Author Auction! Yes, it’s nerve-wracking. Yes, I get nervous every time. How could we not? We stand on a stage while women shout out monetary amounts they think are worthy of us. It’s humiliating, embarrassing…and kind of fun. And it’s for a good cause: all the proceeds go to the GCLS to aid with things like next year’s conference and scholarships to help women who maybe can’t afford the conference get there. I’m proud to say that I went for FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS this year (thanks, Rrrose!) and I didn’t even unbutton anything.

5.  The workshops, panels, and talks! Despite the fact that I am now more of a seasoned veteran than a newbie in the grand scheme of the lesbian writing world, I still find I have a ton to learn, so I really enjoy attending a good workshop or panel. KG MacGregor gave a great one on Seven Steps to Writing Real People, during which I took copious notes. Rachel Spangler showed us how she earned her Master's Degree by educating us on generational differences and how we should take them into consideration as we create new characters. I love coming away from a conference with new information that I can put to use in my own writing. I feel invigorated.

4.  The Keynote Address! This year’s speaker was Lee Lynch. I have to admit that I am woefully uneducated when it comes to lesbian literature past. I’m not nearly familiar enough with the women who paved the way for me to write what I do, but let me tell you that Lee Lynch is a walking piece of history and I loved her stories. After listening to her reminisce about her writing career and the winding paths she took to get where she is today, I have new respect for the women who came before me and I feel humbled by the fights they fought, the resistance they had to deal with. I am honored to say that I have met Lee, have shaken her hand, have had conversations (however short) with her. She’s soft-spoken, intelligent, and kind and her words touched me deeply.

3.  Disney! Being in a place filled with screaming children is not my idea of a good time, but how do you not get in touch with your inner child when you’re smack dab across the street from Disney? The inner child in me decided she not only needed a Mickey Mouse watch, but also an Ariel watch. She got both. AND had a giant ice cream cone for dinner one night. What can I say? It’s Disney!

2.  The Trailblazer Award! This year, I predicted correctly that Ellen Hart would be receiving the Trailblazer Award and I had the great privilege of sitting at her table when it was announced. She was utterly stunned (which was adorable) and I got to listen to all her remarks of surprise as each photo was displayed and she realized just how involved her partner had been in supplying them. A very well-deserved award to one of the nicest, most humble writers I’ve ever met.

1.  Winning a Goldie! Yep, I got to take one of those cool, new-fangled awards home and put it on my mantel. “Outsiders” was named one of the three best short story/essay collections of the year and let me tell you, it was a very sweet win. My fellow authors (Lynn Ames, JD Glass, Susan Smith, and Susan X. Meagher) and I were totally psyched. This one, especially, really means a lot to me, and I was horrified to feel myself getting choked up during my acceptance speech. But if you had a hand in the judging, thank you from the bottom of my heart. This one is special.

And one more (okay, okay, so it’s really a Top Eleven list):

1.5.  Room service! Yes, I realize this has much more to do with me than the conference, but I can’t help it. Food is important to me. The best meal I had during my entire stay was the salmon I ordered from room service. Out of this world.

How about you guys? Anybody have any especially fond memories? Any of you still feel like you could sleep for three more days?

 

 

   

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