Grandma

Written by Georgia Thursday, 15 October 2009 12:49

The strangest thing happened to me the other day. I started talking about gay stuff while sitting at the table with my grandmother. My grandmother! Not gay stuff gay stuff, mind you. I wasn’t talking about sex or anything, but the subjects of being gay and me were actually used in the same sentence. And Grandma never flinched. And the walls did not crumble down around me. It was almost surreal.

Those of you who have been paying attention know that Bonnie and I have been living with Grandma since May, when we decided we were too homesick and our ill family members needed us too much to stay 600 miles away any longer. For the past five months, the majority of our life has been packed away in a 10’ x 20’ storage unit and the items we couldn’t do without have been crammed into two rooms and some of the basement at Grandma’s. One room is our bedroom. The other has the computer, my desk, and most of our clothes. So it’s not like Grandma doesn’t know we’re together. We sleep in the same bed; that’s really all anybody needs to see to get four out of two and two. But we just don’t talk about it. And if I’m honest about why, I have to say that it was my own doing. I am a pro at assumptions and I just assumed that Grandma probably wouldn’t want to ever have to address my lifestyle, even though she is aware of it.

I’m afraid I didn’t give Grandma enough credit.

She’s a very smart woman, after all. Also? The gay gene is rampant in my family. Rampant. There are nine grandchildren. Four of us are gay. (Pretty impressive, no?) So it’s not a foreign idea in the family and Grandma’s no dummy. Like I said: assumptions.

So, I’m sitting there having dinner with Grandma, my mom, and my stepdad. Bonnie and I had been to a film at the LGBT film festival the previous weekend. Grandma asked me for the third time what movie we saw (I thought I was being clever by avoiding specifics, but the fact that she kept asking me says she was on to me). I felt a little safer with my mom sitting there, so I went ahead and said it was the opening weekend of the Gay and Lesbian Film Festival and that we’d seen a really great romantic comedy. Without missing a beat, Grandma said she saw a story on the news about the festival opening. Mom said she’d seen the news, too, and a guy from the theater was talking about same-sex marriage in New York State. At that point, I was looking into my bowl of soup, afraid to look anywhere else, and ventured forward, saying, “It’ll happen. One of these days it will.” Mom (bless her heart, she just kept going) said, “Well, it should. I just don’t understand why it’s such a big deal.” And then Grandma shrugged and replied, “Some people are funny.” Like she was totally all about me having the right to marry Bonnie. I almost fell out of my chair.

Like I said. Surreal.

And somehow, that whole conversation opened up a dam of some sort for me because now, I have no qualms about saying things around Grandma. Yesterday, the couple that rents half the house next door were going at it (like they do every other day…seriously, if you hate each other that much, why don’t you just split up and save us all from having to listen to you drop F bombs on one another?). I came downstairs and asked Grandma if she heard them. She said no. I said lightly, “See? That’s the stuff that makes me nuts, Gram. I’m not allowed to marry Bonnie, but those idiots could run off and elope any time they want.” She laughed.

My ninety-year-old grandmother is kind of progressive. I had no idea.

 

Comments (5)
  • |10-28-2009 11:46:38 Chris Paynter  - great story!
    I love this story, Georgia. My mother's a hoot. The first thing out of her mouth when she talks about me to others is, "my daughter's a lesbian." Well, she throws in "and she wrote a book" now. lol I finally figured out she does this so she doesn't have to put up with any crap from ignorant people. Might as well get it all out there! The first thing she said when I told her I "thought" I was gay? "Don't go rushing into anything." hahaha Your website looks fabulous and good for you and Bonnie that you're back home with family. Yay! And I can't wait for your release in February! Double yay!
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  • |10-26-2009 13:36:18 Rachel Spangler  - Love it!
    This is too cute. I think so many of us have stories like that. My mom didn't want me to tell my grandma, but grandma was smart ab bugged mom until she finally told her I was gay. Then Grandma wrote a lett to me at college that said "Rachie, mom tells me you are gay, honey you should have told grammie sooner. I love you. Here's $20." LOL
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  • |10-19-2009 23:19:32 Carleen  - Grandmas are wonderful
    Wonderful story, Georgia. I just lost my Gram this weekend - she celebrated her 95th birthday just 4 weeks ago. My mother and I have lived in Gram's house for a long time...a very long time. We've never imagined life without her. Now we have to.

    When I came out to Gram years ago, I said, "I hope you don't mind, Gram...I want to bring my girlfriend here to meet you." And my grandmother - devout Catholic that she was - replied, "Why does it matter if I mind? It's your life and you have to live it. I love you no matter what." Resilient, intelligent, and a lot more progressive than I ever gave her credit for.

    Grandmothers are very, very special people.
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  • |10-17-2009 21:09:51 Lynne
    I love the story about your grandmother, especially when you stare down into your soup. You're right. Sometimes we don't give people enough credit, but it's difficult to know when to try. It's a very touching with story though.
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  • |10-16-2009 14:16:04 Doreen Hale
    I loved this tale about your Grandma. I think it would be a good base for a book. The only person I know who includes an older person in her books is Diana Tremain Braund. Because I live three thousand miles away from all my blood relatives my "situation" never came up. I has only been in Canada one week when I met my first partner. We were together for twenty-three years and always went to England together but nothing was ever mentioned. One year my nephew was staying with me and I told him. He told my sister and she told me that my Aunt (who is very dear to me) had told her years before. So when Susan and I got married everyone over there got wedding invitations!!!. Doreen
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